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I Know It When I See It
By Rob Wynne
Tune: "All About That Bass" by Meghan Trainor

Because I'm all about that text,
'Bout that text, no subtext
I'm all about that text, 'bout that text, no subtext
I'm all about that text, 'bout that text, no subtext
I'm all about that text, 'bout that text...

You know it's pretty clear, this film ain't subtle
You know why you're here, there can be no rebuttal
'Cause we've got that boom boom that all the folks craved
All the right smut and it is quite depraved

I see the movie scenes working that misdirect
But I do not know why
They're all so circumspect
If you like sexy sexy, get what you want
Cause every scene is about sex
And we are very nonchalant

Yeah, Aunt Hortence, she told me don't worry about the plot
Because folks only watch this for one thing and you know what
You know it won't be PG rated, family-friendly fare
But if you want the good stuff
Then go ahead and take the dare

Because I'm all about that text,
'Bout that text, no subtext
I'm all about that text, 'bout that text, no subtext
I'm all about that text, 'bout that text, no subtext
I'm all about that text, 'bout that text...

It's full of nudity
But only for the social comment'ry
No, I'm just playing, I know you think it's smut
But I'm here to tell you
Every scene is full of sex and we are very nonchalant

Yes, Aunt Hortence, she told me don't worry about the plot
Because folks only watch this for one thing and you know what
You know it won't be PG rated, family-friendly fare
But if you want the good stuff
Then go ahead and take the dare

Because I'm all about that text,
'Bout that text, no subtext
Because I'm all about that text, 'bout that text, no subtext
Because I'm all about that text, 'bout that text, no subtext
I'm all about that text, 'bout that text...

Inspired by a comment made by Aahz Caller, as we discussed whether "Lesbian Farm Invaders" was the sort of film one watched for the subtext, which was itself in a thread about a recent news report that Rush Limbaugh was warning that federally paid lesbian farmers might soon invade your town, becuase boy howdy this year's news has been hella weird.
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Meet The Hipsters
by Rob Wynne
TTTO: "Theme From The Flintstones"

Hipsters, meet the Hipsters
They're a modern vintage family
From the streets of Brooklyn
They go on a thrift store shopping spree

Hear their...records (vinyl is preferred)
Bands of whom you'll never once have heard

When you're with the Hipsters
You'll have a before it was cool time
A real old school time
You'll have a new old time!


For the record, I have nothing against hipsters. But someone posted this photo, and this just...came out.


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Rhymes of Fashion
by Rob Wynne and Jeff Williams
TTTO: "We Will Rock You" by Queen

Buddy you're a hard shoe, cheap shoe,
Plastic on your feet so you stomp in the puddles, yeah
You got mud on your strap, you piece of crap
But you sell because you're cheaper than an iPhone app

We will, we will CROC YOU!(Wear it, uh...)
We will, we will CROC YOU!

Buddy you're an apron, draped on,
Hang down to your knees so you don't get the stain on you
You got paint in your hair, but you don't care
Cuz you know it won't get on your clothes under there

We will, we will SMOCK YOU
We will, we will SMOCK YOU

Buddy, you're a cheap robe, wardrobe
Fitting for a priest or a monk from the Middle Age
You got rope for a belt
Never look svelte
Even when you're made from furry animal pelts

We will, we will FROCK YOU
We will, we will FROCK YOU


This is the sort of thing that happens when Jeff Williams and I get bored in chat...
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He's Right Behind You
by Rob Wynne
(TTTO: "Theme From Spider-Man (1967)")

Slender man, Slender man
Faceless dude with a snow white tan
In the woods, late at night
Suddenly, you die of fright
Look out, here comes the slender man

Is he real? Listen guy
He's a thing, but we don't know why
Shadows lurk, noises sound
Once you're lost, you can't be found
Beware, here comes the slender man

When the moon is clear
And you're losing your mind
Like a ghost of fear
He appears close behind

Slender man, slender man
Creepy neighbourhood slender man
All your locks he's ignored
One thing's sure, you won't be bored

Look out! Life is a thing that's ending
Your psyche won't be mending
You met the slender maaaaaaaan

My brain. Sometimes I just don't know.  This popped into my head nearly completely formed shortly after listening to the episode of Tom Merritt and Molly Wood's excellent podcast 'It's A  Thing' which featured the Slender Man phenomenon.  
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Look Upon My Gear, Ye Mighty, And Repair
by Rob Wynne
TTTO: "Dust In The Wind" by Kansas

My warlock casts
Conjure up a demon from the fiery depths
The spell falls flat
My spec is gone, and everything I learned is wrong
Bits in the code
All we are is bits in the code

Once we strode
Like giants through the endgame, doing mighty deeds
But glory fades
Your grand achievements now just curiosities
Bits in the code
All we are is bits in the code

Game moves on
Level cap increases, once again we grind
New quests call
And all your epics won't another level buy
Bits in the code
All we are is bits in the code

This morning (28 December 2012) in the Tadpool, discussing the current WoW expansion and whether it was worth coming back to, Cory Latham made a comment about having too much time invested in his characters to roll new ones, and Christopher Dunn quipped that all that was meaningless, only the current expansion matters. And that got my filker brain working and this came out.

There have been two more World of Warcraft expansions that have come out since I wrote this, and it's still true, which hasn't always been true of my WoW filks :)

Undead Cat

Oct. 27th, 2016 04:38 pm
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Undead Cat
Lyrics by Rob Wynne
(TTTO: "Uptown Girl" by Billy Joel)

Undead cat
It's not living now, and that is that
But somehow it still can move around
No you're never gonna keep it down

You'd better run from the undead cat
You won't win if you get in a spat
And if the sight of it should give you pause
You're gonna die by its undead claws
And drooling maw

And when you see where it is
It's too lay-ay-ate
And when you wake up
You make up its play-ay-ate

You'll see that you now are dead
Your poor sod
You've been fed to the undead cat
And your flesh has made it sleek and fat
And when it's tired of its catnip toys
It will go hunting for more girls and boys
Because they're moist

Undead cat
In Spanish, viviendo muerto gat-
O, maybe someday when you're on your own
Out in the woods, you hear a yowling moan
Won't make it home

And where it's stalking
You'll find you're its prey-ay-ay
There's no use talking
Unless it's to pray-ay-ay

You'll see that you now are dead
Your poor sod
You'd should've fled from the undead cat
You won't win if you get in a spat
And if the sight of it should give you pause
You're gonna die by its undead claws
And drooling maw

My brain and welcome to it.  (Sincere apologies to Billy Joel, and anyone with the slightest amount of taste)
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On Her Majesty's SysOp Service
by Rob Wynne
TTTO: "You Only Live Twice" by Leslie Bricusse & John Barry

You always save twice or so they say;
One set for your files on a well supplied RAID.
You always save twice, so we have avowed.
A backup is stored on disk, tape or cloud

And data will stack up, and platforms will fry
Don't think of the backup, and the data will die

This NAS is for you, so pray the price
Keep your data safe, and always save twice.

And data will stack up, and platforms will fry
Don't think of the backup, and the data will die

This NAS is for you, so pray the price
Keep your data safe, and always save twice.

Inspired by Bill Sutton's unfortunate travails with his PC, and by his delightful "Goldfinger" parody detailing them.
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Sour Grapes
(or, Reflections on George Lucas's comments about the new Star Wars film)
by Rob Wynne
TTTO: "Send in the Clowns" by Stephen Sondheim

Doesn't it suck?
Don't you agree
This film that everyone's praising
Wasn't by me
Send in the clones.

Isn't it sick?
Isn't it sad?
Everyone loves this new Star Wars
It makes me mad.
Where are the clones?
Send in the clones

Just when I'd stopped
changing the score
Finally selling
the rights for billions more
Walking the carpet again
With my usual strut
Sure of my place
No one asks, but...

What have I wrought?
Jar Jar was panned
I thought that you'd want what I want
Sorry, my fans
But where are the clones?
Quick, send in the clones!
Don't bother, new plans

Aren't I rich?
Is that not enough?
Seeing that Abrams succeeded
where I failed is rough
And where are the clones?
There ought to be clones?
Well, maybe next film...
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I’ve been meaning to start back up with some general blogging, but because I majored in Procrastination (with a doulbe minor in Blowing Things Off and Well Nevermind), I haven’t been.


Towards the notion of getting started again — along with making sure my website Songbook is up to date — I’m going to start posting things here that have previously been posted in other places (primarily Facebook) over the last little while.  So you may see things you saw earlier, or things you never saw but which are long divorced from their original context.  Just a heads up.  Hope it’s not annoying and stuff. 🙂

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Pass the Sage
by Rob Wynne
TTTO: “Turn the Page” by Bob Seger

 


In a spacious TV studio, east of Tokyo
You can listen to the sous chefs as they scurry to and fro
And you wonder if tonight you’ll make an ice cream out of roe

And your thoughts will soon be focused on your culinary lore
When the chairman calls the challenger to step out on the floor
And you wonder if this night will be just like the nights before

Oh, here I am, stirring the wok again
There I am, watching the gauge
Here I go….racing the clock again
There I go…pass the sage

You walk into the stadium, and you stand upon the height
And you feel his eyes upon you, as he chooses you to fight
And another kitchen battle’s on; What will we cook tonight?

Sometimes you can’t hear ’em talk, other times you can
All those same old clichés: is that pudding, or a flan?
And you’re almost out of flour, but still you make it stand

Oh, here I am….Stirring the wok again
There I am, watching the gauge
Here I go….racing the clock again
There I go…pass the sage

From the moment that the grill is fired until the plates are served
All your skills and your talents are a legacy preserved
You cook to prove your iron reputation is deserved

Later, when the tastings done, and the compliments are shared
The chairman counts the ballot and the victor is declared
You know another challenge waits, and you will be prepared

Oh, here I am….Stirring the wok again
There I am, watching the gauge
Here I go….racing the clock again
There I go…there I go…

One new song debuted in my Orycon set in 2015. I actually wrote this a while ago, but decided not to post it until after I’d sung it in the wild somewhere, and that was the first time I had the chance.

Many people have written Iron Chef songs. This one is mine.
 

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The Shining Wit
by Rob Wynne
TTTO: “Act Naturally” by Johnny Russell and Voni Morrison

I’m gonna get myself a girlfriend
I’m gonna go make all these women see
That I’m a man who knows how to explain things
And all I gotta says is “Well, actually…”

I promise you that I know all about it
I’m quite an expert, you can surely tell
Don’t worry your pretty head about it
'Cause I will make it simple as well

I know you’ll nod and see that I am right, here.
And jump into my arms and softly squee
You’ll fall for me the moment that I step up
To interrupt you, saying, “Well, actually…”

Yet somehow I wind sad and lonely
It makes me so mad; I just cannot see
I know that I did nothing to deserve this
The only thing I said was “Well, actually…”

I promise you that I know all about it
I’m quite an expert, you can surely tell
Don’t worry your pretty head about it
'Cause I will make it simple as well

I guess that she was just another hater
But I will get a girl eventually
She will not be able to resist me
When I interrupt her saying “Well, actually…”

Many thanks to Twitter user David Ballard (@dvdbllrd) for the inspiration for this.

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Deadline for the 2014 Pegasus Nominating Ballot is 12:01AM PDT, July 27, 2014


Ballots should be filled out on line or submitted by mail to:


OVFF

3824 Patricia Drive

Columbus, OH, 43220


You may select five artists/songs per category. Need ideas? Check out the results of the Brainstorming Poll!



Ballots submitted using this form must be submitted by 12:01AM PDT, July 27, 2014 (that means the first minute after July 27 ends on the West coast of the US). Ballots submitted by surface mail must be received in Columbus, OH by July 25, 2014.


*NOTE* Due to unforeseen circumstances, we’ve been forced to move the ballot closing to Sunday, July 27. We apologise for the mid-season shift in the schedule.


Each person may only submit one Nominating Ballot.


We strongly encourage you to copy & distribute this ballot as widely as possible within the filk community. You do not need to be a member of the convention to vote.


Eligibility: If a song has won a Pegasus in the past, it is not eligible for Nomination. Writer/Composers and Performers who won in 2009 – 2013 are not eligible in the same category in 2014. See the current Winners List for non-eligible songs. See The Rules for more details on eligibility requirements. Send mail to pegasus at ovff.org if you have any questions.


Please keep in mind that the Pegasus Awards are for excellence in Filking, not in music in general, or even funny music in general. Nominated songs should be part, one way or another, of the music of the filk community, and for “Best Performer” and “Best Composer”, people you nominate should be participating members of the filk community.


Thank you for your participation!!


http://www.ovff.org/pegasus/2014nomballot.html


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There’s a new episode of Tadpoolery!  In this episode, Rob and Bryan discuss




  • Sports, briefly

  • Tadpool as community / online friendships

  • Nerdtacular is coming!

  • Weird news: carjackers foiled by manual transmission.

  • Steam sale controversy.

  • Nostalgia isn’t what it used to be.

  • Game of Thrones season finale ( spoilers! )

  • NepoTuneism:  “Winter is Coming” by Sunnie Larson and friends.


As always, you can subscribe to Tadpoolery on iTunes or download/listen at our webpage.


Enjoy, and thanks for listening!


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View from my airplane window...

View from my airplane window…


()

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In January of 2011, Scott Johnson and Brian Ibbott launched a podcast called “The Morning Stream“, a culmination of Scott’s long-time desire to do a morning-drive style radio program that reflected his particularly geeky sensibilities.  Like other shows he produced, TMS was live-streamed as it was recorded, and an active chat room interacted with the hosts.  Some of us started hanging out in that chatroom even when nothing was being broadcast, and a community began to coalesce.  The community was nicknamed “The Tadpool”, riffing off of the name of Scott’s studio, Frogpants Studios, and soon after that, a Facebook community was created to foster a less real-time (and more enduring) interaction between fans.


As time went on, we realised that a lot of very cool people were hanging out in this community, and a small group of us decided to start a show focused on the community, in order to better get to know people.  It was called “Tadpoolery”, and was hosted by Bryan Provost, Nick Nizzi, and myself, along with a rotating guest from the Tadpool that we would chat with about whatever sorts of things that person was primarily interested in.  Due to the random nature of our guests backgrounds, the episodes could cover a wide variety of of topics, and frequently would range so far afield that our tagline became “The tangent is the topic.”


The original incarnation of Tadpoolery ran for 36 episodes.  Towards the end of that run, we started to feel like the lack of structure was actually becoming a liability, and decided to take a brief hiatus to retool the show and get a better handle on what we wanted to do with it.  For a variety of reasons, we didn’t return from that hiatus as planned.


Two years later…


Bryan and I actually started talking about rebooting the show last year, just after Nerdtacular.  We wanted to keep the same vibe the original show had — it’s very much a product of the Tadpool — while giving it room to expand and evolve into something of wider and more general interest.  Around the end of last year, we did a test show, which went well but had some technical difficulties.  Once those were finally resolved and scheduling was worked out, we’ve now officially relaunched Tadpoolery and released our first new episodes.


Episode 37 is the test episode we recorded last year.  The topics include:



  • Breaking Bad

  • Dragon Age Heroes (android)

  • World of Warcraft

  • Kingdom of Amalur IP sale

  • Fallout 4 hoax

  • Stealth games

  • Weird news: recreational marijuana dispensery names

  • Weird news: The Slutcracker (Burlesque parody of the Nutcracker)

  • Music: Marian Call, “Sketchbook”, Postmodern Jukebox


Episode 38 was recorded last week, where we discussed:



  • Travel and Tadmeets (Tadpool Meetups)

  • Nerdtacular is coming!

  • Tattoos

  • You Can’t Watch Everything (Josh Williams)

  • Nerd Rage

  • Star Wars and Star Wars

  • Iconic Vs. Definitive Portrayals

  • Summer of 1994 (Brian Duff)

  • I love the 2000s

  • NepoTuneism: Tom Smith, “307 Ale”

  • Steam Summer Sale (Rocksmith, Skyrim)

  • Catching Up ON Old Content (video games and TV, especially)


So as you can see, the tangent is still the topic. :)  You can subscribe to Tadpoolery on ITunes, or get episodes directly from our webpage.  New episodes will be released on Friday.


It’s good to finally have my show back on the air.  I’ve really missed making it, and I hope you enjoy listening to it.

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Since we live just around the corner from the end point of the Seattle Pride Parade route, we sauntered over just a few minutes before it got there and were able to get a great spot to see everything go by.  I took an enormous number of photos, which Larissa then culled through them to remove all the really horrible shots, near-identical duplicates, and out of focus pictures.  There’s still over 600 in the set.


Many of these photos are NSFW, so use your own discretion.


Gallery of Seattle Pride Parade 2014 photos

autographedcat: (Dayna Larger)

Just a random excerpt of a conversation between me and a friend of a friend, on Facebook

Doug Williams Although I do agree Styrofoam is evil. Cardboard packaging is my nemesis.

Rob Wynne Doug: Really? “Cardboard Packaging” is my Malvina Reynolds cover band! #kickingitoldschool

Doug Williams With 3 kids the amount of cardboard packaging that comes through my house is ridiculous. Let’s just say they could probably name where forests used to be after my children.

Rob Wynne 

“What are the roots that clutch, what branches grow
Out of this stony rubbish? Son of man,
You cannot say, or guess, for you know only
A heap of broken images, where the sun beats,
And the dead tree gives no shelter, the cricket no relief,
And the dry stone no sound of water. Only
There is shadow under this red rock,
(Come in under the shadow of this red rock),
And I will show you something different from either
Your shadow at morning striding behind you
Or your shadow at evening rising to meet you;
I will show you fear in a handful of dust.

Anyway, you got an XBox One for Christmas
And that new game you wanted but barely played
So I hope you’re happy.”

From “The First Drafts of TS Elliot (unpublished)”

Mirrored from Home of the Autographed Cat.

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Beautiful day
Beautiful day

(Kinnear Park)

Mirrored from Home of the Autographed Cat.

autographedcat: (Dayna Larger)

Every so often, a book comes to my attention that perhaps wouldn’t have normally. I’ll read a review, or hear it recommended, and think “Hey, that sounds interesting”, and I’ll make a note to myself to pick it up if I see it, or sometimes i’ll just grab it off the Amazon Kindle store where it will sit, waiting for me to find a moment to crack it open.

I don’t, at this point, remember who recommended the book “Tiny Beautiful Things: Advice on Love and Life from Dear Sugar” by Cheryl Strayed. It’s been sitting in my Kindle Library for some time. But a couple of days ago I randomly opened it and began to read. Today I finished it.

I don’t recall the last book that so often made me laugh out loud, so often moved me to tears, so often stopped me dead in my tracks with a perfectly phrased insight or so often made me just stop, walk away from the book because I needed time to think and digest.and reflect on what I had just read.

I’ve read collections of advice columns before, from Dan Savage and Miss Manners and others. This is very likely the first collection of advice columns I will read again and again, because as much as I took from it, there’s more to take and find and connect with.

If you’re a human being who is currently in the process of living a life, I recommend this book.

Mirrored from Home of the Autographed Cat.

autographedcat: (Dayna Larger)

A Better Plan
by Rob Wynne
Music:  ”Let It Go” by Kristen Anderson-Lopez and Robert Lopez (from Disney’s “Frozen”)

The weather outside is frightful tonight
But this fire is very nice
And there’s no place I need to be
out in the frozen ice
The wind is blowing and
The snow piles up in drifts
So let’s just stay here, wrap our Christmas gifts

We can’t go out, let’s just stay in
There’s no need to brave the howling din
Stay warm, no storm can harm us here
The answer’s clear

Let it snow, let it snow
It shows no sign of stopping
Let it snow, let it snow
I brought some corn for popping
There’s nowhere
That we need to be
Turn the lights down low
Curl up on the sofa here next to me

 

Every so often, an idea for a parody shows up that won’t go away, but there really isn’t enough there to justify parodying the entire song.  These are called “show stoppers” because they typically only run up to the point that you hit the punchline of the joke, and then end.

Larissa and I finally got around to seeing Disney’s “Frozen” (which is excellent, and you should watch it), and this came into my mind and wouldn’t go away, so i finally sat down and wrote it.  It’s finished; there’s only the one verse and chorus. 

Mirrored from Home of the Autographed Cat.

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