autographedcat: (Default)
Actual conversations at my house:

Me: "So, sure, lots of people know that's called a ball-peen hammer, but they may not know that it's called that because the peen of the hammer is shaped like a ball, rather than it just being a weird name for a hammer.
Her: "Right, it could have been invented by Joe Ballpeen."
Me: "A claw hammer is technically a claw-peen hammer. All hammers have a peen"
Her: "True, true."
Me: "All boy hammers do, at least."
Her: "What would a girl hammer look like?"
autographedcat: (Default)
Jeff has been visiting this weekend, which means the conversation level in our house gets more surreal than normal. (This is no bad thing.)

We were having a discussion about a great list of songs by band which were mostly one-hit wonders, and I was saying how I had kibitzed over the inclusion of the Pet Shop Boys, who had numerous top-20 singles in the 80s, and were even bigger in Europe.

Me: And of course, they were pioneers of gay disco, and that's no small thing.
Larissa: I didn't even know there was such a think as gay disco.
Me: Oh yes.
Larissa: Apparently, I've been hanging out with the wrong people.
Me: You obviously haven't been hanging out with gay people at discos.
Larissa: I like gay people. It's the disco I object to.
Jeff: How do you know a disco is gay, anyway?
Me: Easy. It makes passes at other discos.
Larissa: So what does a straight disco make passes at?
Me: (shrugs) A laundromat?

Fun on IRC

Jun. 10th, 2010 02:03 pm
autographedcat: (wacky fun)
Random conversation from an IRC channel I frequent:
El: I want...
El: GTea.
El: Err, no g.
El: Just tea.
[livejournal.com profile] autographedcat: G'Tea was a great Narn. He was the one who came up with the idea of infusing dried leaves in hot water, and hence the beverage is named for him.
El: Hahaha.
El: But it was the great, powerful Centauri, Oolonghi, who truly made G'tea's drink special. Before that? Mud water!


I love my friends.
autographedcat: (godzilla basketball)
Online conversation from today, discussing potentially problematic questions on an exam she'd given:
[livejournal.com profile] autographedcat: Bonus question #2: "What do they mean, 'if a woodchuck could chuck wood'. Is there any point in calling it a woodchuck if it can't? Defend your answer, quote Sartre if necessary."
[livejournal.com profile] autographedcat: (i have no idea what class you're teaching right now. I'm just feeling exceptionally silly)
[livejournal.com profile] catalana: Logic
[livejournal.com profile] catalana: :)
[livejournal.com profile] autographedcat: Well, there you go, then. The Woodchuck question is completely applicable.
[livejournal.com profile] catalana: Sartre believes that existence precedes essence, i.e., that we can create ourselves into whatever we wish to be. Hence he would be perfectly fine with a woodchuck existing even if it couldn't chuck wood.
[livejournal.com profile] catalana: Aren't you glad you asked? :)
autographedcat: (wild wild sex - HIMYM)
Conversation from this morning:

Me: You keep lying there like that, I'm going to take it as invitation.
Her: I don't think you could go again right now if you wanted to.
Me: (mock indignant) I beg your pardon! I am a tool-wielding mammal, madam!
Both: (momentary silence, followed by falling out laughing)

We laugh a lot. It's how I know we're ok.

IM Improv

Jan. 28th, 2007 11:06 am
autographedcat: (tea)
When [livejournal.com profile] hejira2006 and I were teenagers, we used to frequently amuse ourselves doing improv in our living rooms. In fact, somewhere, floating around the universe, are several audio cassettes of our improv radio shows. It's a habit we've never actually gotten out of, and quite often one or the other of us will start an IM conversation with a cryptic remark. Sometimes we pick it up and run with it, and sometimes we don't.

Today, we picked it up and ran with it. Here's a little glimpse into the mind that is Jeff and Me:

Jeff: The streetcar is going up the hill
Rob: The dog barks at midnight
Rob: (This is news? The dog barks at everything. Stupid dog)
Jeff: But the dog barks in Morse code
Jeff: You're supposed to have been recording the messages!
Rob: Oh. Sorry about that. Tea?
Jeff: Tea? Tea?!? TEA?!?!?!?

You're talking about tea when weeks worth of PowerBall numbers have been lost for good?!?!?!?
Jeff: Oh well, at least we have the gerbil squeaks. I mean, thanks to you, we no longer have the dog as a confidence check, but, still, all is not lost.
Rob: Yes, well, no need to get worked up, old chap. Everything looks better after a good cuppa tea.
Jeff: So, what news from our friend the gerbil?
Rob: The cat seems to have eaten him sometime after Boxing Day. The children were devastated, but, cycle of life and all that, you know. Cream and sugar?
Jeff: Okay...I passed out. Now, where's the fucking cat? What has the cat said since ingesting out friend the gerbil?
Rob: Er. Meow.
Rob: She seems quite definate about it. probably says it 20 or 30 times an hour. Biscuit?
Jeff: >:(
Jeff: Do you know...I mean, do you KNOW what the PowerBall is up to? Hmmmmm?
Rob: Attempting to overthrow our very way of life and enslave us all under their totalitarian regime, I imagine. Same as always. Try the scones, they're quite good today.
Jeff: What we have here is...failure...to communicate.

You're thinking of Paeur Bahl, the dictator of Snakitoba
Rob: Oh, quite. Nasty chap. He's sorted then?
Jeff: WE WERE GOING TO OVERTHROW HIM WITH THE MONEY FROM THE POWERBALL!!!!!
Rob: Oh. Do you really think that will work then? Seems a bit dodgy, as plans go. Still, as long as the kettle works, can't be too bad.
Jeff: How did you get your license to operate with Sneaky Services (TM)(R)?????
Rob: My boy, I've been with Sneaky Services(TM)(R) since before your father was a hopeful gleam in your grandmother's eye. Do try to calm down.
Jeff: But...you haven't been decoding the dog's bark, you let the cat eat the prognosticating gerbil, and you haven't paying attention to a single word the cat said since. You forgot about the PowerBalll to overthrow Paeur Bahl, and your blathering about tea? Tea?!?!?!?
Rob: Yes, well, when things look especially dire, a good cup of tea is just the thing to get perspective, don't you agree?
Rob: (Clive Anderson should buzz us out any moment now...)

(Yes, we really are like this pretty much all the time.)
autographedcat: (Default)
This morning, our cat Dayna (seen in my userpic) was being very annoying. [livejournal.com profile] kitanzi finally got fed up and this conversation ensued:

[livejournal.com profile] kitanzi: Dayna, stop it. You're obnoxious!
[livejournal.com profile] autographedcat: And disliked.
[livejournal.com profile] kitanzi: You know that's true.
[livejournal.com profile] autographedcat: Yes, I do.
[livejournal.com profile] kitanzi: And apparently historical.

Dear lord, our cat is the reincarnation of John Adams.
autographedcat: (special hell - me)
During an IM conversation with [livejournal.com profile] hejira2006, this popped out of nowhere:

FRANKLIN: "That John Adams is one bad motherf---"
JEFFERSON, BARTLETT, and LIVINGSTON: "Shut yo mouth!"
FRANKLIN: "I'm just talkin' about John Adams!"

DICKINSON: "He's a complicated man, and no one understands him..."
WILSON: "But his woman?"
DICKINSON: No, seriously. *No one* understands him"
autographedcat: (Default)
Conversation between myself and [livejournal.com profile] kitanzi this morning:

[livejournal.com profile] autographedcat: (lying across the bed, stretching my back): I want a medieval torture rack for my birthday.
[livejournal.com profile] kitanzi: Um....sure.
[livejournal.com profile] autographedcat: I want it to help stretch out my back.
[livejournal.com profile] kitanzi: But where would we put it?
[livejournal.com profile] autographedcat: Yeah, that's always the problem with exercise equipment.



Today in Creative Loafing, there was a sidebar article about a new DVD series designed to help parents get their toddlers well indoctrinated to follow the right university sports:

"I'm pregnant." "I'm getting a tattoo." "His name is Snake, and we're in love."

Those are all words most parents dread. But if you went to the University of Georgia, there is one phrase above all others you don'don't want to hear from your teenager: "I'm enrolling at Florida."

Up until now, there was only so much parents could do to instill in their children a love of all things UGA. You could take them to games,make them listen to Larry Munson, teach them the Bulldog fight song.But in the end, you just had to trust that you had raised them right.

Now Bulldog parents have a secret weapon. A company called Team Baby Entertainment has released a DVD called Baby Bulldog, which "allows parents, grandparents, alumni and friends to share their love, loyalty and passion for their university with their children."

The DVD is targeted toward babies and toddlers and uses Sesame Street tactics to "teach" kids just how great it is to be a Bulldog.The video features young children dressed up in UGA costumes, and footage of the university's sports teams, mascot and marching band "to expose children to the university in an exciting and playful manner."Translation: If you're desperate for your kid to follow in your footsteps and you're not above brainwashing, this DVD is for you.

Didn't attend UGA? Don't worry, Team Baby Entertainment makes DVDs for parents from a variety of large universities, including LSU,Auburn, Florida State and -- sorry, UGA fans -- Florida.


A product which nicely fills a much-needed gap.



Elsewhere on LJ today, [livejournal.com profile] cjdoyle shared some of his Viagra-themed spam in a friends-locked entry, prompting this insta-filk. I hope you enjoy it...i spent minutes writing it:

The Love Pill
TTTO: (Theme From) The Love Boat

Love, Exciting and new
Pop the pill. She's waiting for you
Love, life's sweetest reward
Get it up, it stays up for you

Viiiiiiiiiiiiiiiagra
Soon you'll be ploughing another field
Viiiiiiiiiiiiiiiagra
Four hours of fun just one dose will yield
Set a course for erection
Your mind on a new romance

Love won't hurt anyone
See her open legs on a friendly bed
Yes LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOVE!
It's LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOVE!

...

I'll get me coat...
autographedcat: (godzilla basketball)
For those of you who have never seen it, Woot.Com is a website that traffics in a variety of items, usually selling one item per day at a large discount over normal retail. The stuff they offer tends by and large to be geek-tech oriented (computers, AV equipment, with the occasional oddkin tossed in for variety).

Tonight, while popping through, I saw this, prompting the following conversation:


[livejournal.com profile] kitanzi: What is that?
[livejournal.com profile] autographedcat: It's a computer accessory set shaped like frogs. See: keyboard, mouse, and speakers. Frogs.
[livejournal.com profile] kitanzi: They keyboard isn't shaped like a frog. No wait, it is.
[livejournal.com profile] autographedcat: Yeah, see - there's the eyes, and there's its little hands.
[livejournal.com profile] kitanzi: Roadkill frog, more like.
[livejournal.com profile] autographedcat: Maybe that's why the mouse and the speakers look so alarmed. <does South Park voices> "Oh my God, they killed Kenny!" "You BASTARDS!"

autographedcat: (wacky fun)
So, [livejournal.com profile] kitanzi and I were snuggling in bed, in preparation for going to sleep, and discussing random things that were on our mind, and the conversation turned to the phenomenon surrounding the upcoming movie Snakes on a Plane:

[livejournal.com profile] autographedcat: You, the best part about all this buzz is....if you'd tried to actually manufacture it...
[livejournal.com profile] kitanzi: You couldn't, it'd go nowhere.
[livejournal.com profile] autographedcat: Exactly.
[livejournal.com profile] kitanzi: How much you want to bet they make a sequel and it goes nowhere.
[livejournal.com profile] autographedcat: Well, sure. Where do you go after "Snakes on a plane"? Snakes on a boat? Snakes on a bus?
[livejournal.com profile] kitanzi: Snakes in a house?
[livejournal.com profile] autographedcat: Snakes on a Space Shuttle?
[livejournal.com profile] kitanzi: Now you're just being silly.
[livejournal.com profile] autographedcat: Snakes on a lunar module?

At this point, we look at each other, and in unison, shout "Snaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaakes Innnnnnnnnn Spaaaaaaaaaaaaaaace!"

I love my wife. She's my kind of weird.

Profile

autographedcat: (Default)
autographedcat

March 2017

S M T W T F S
   123 4
567891011
1213 1415161718
19202122232425
262728293031 

Syndicate

RSS Atom

Most Popular Tags

Style Credit

Expand Cut Tags

No cut tags
Page generated Aug. 22nd, 2017 07:19 am
Powered by Dreamwidth Studios