Ah, I see; wasn't sure what you were doing with them. IMO, the song would actually be a bit stronger without some of them -- "Reforged the broken sword" is perfectly gramatical, frex.
Heh. That's how I had it just before I posted it. Then I waffled. The word can be left entirely out, and I may leave it out of the "official" lyrics, even if I always do slip it in when I actually sing it. :)
No kidding. One of the reasons I'm a bit of a scansion facist about it, at least for my own performance. :)
And that's not a bad thing. I don't always meet the Gold standard ("A person familiar with the tune should be able to sing it perfectly the first time he reads it"), but I try to get as close to that as possible.
Note that your original doesn't flow any better into the next line.
Um, sure it does. Perhaps if i punctuated:
"Well spent the battle cost; All hope is not yet lost!"
It's not a single clause, two independant clauses that work together.
I -think- the problem with sug. #2 was the "though large" -- it's the first word doesn't take the stress very well at all. But I'm not all that happy with the original either (but then, I don't have to be; it's your song. :)
The entire construction of "Though large the battle cost" sounds awkward and clumsy.
Absolutely -- it's an enjoyable conversation regardless! And, of course, if I do borrow the song, having a conversation on the various pros and minuses (and decisions involved in them) can give me a better idea of what I actually -want- to change.
Indeed! If you do perform it, you'll have to let me know how it goes over. :)
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momijizukamori
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Date: 2004-02-24 02:31 pm (UTC)Heh. That's how I had it just before I posted it. Then I waffled. The word can be left entirely out, and I may leave it out of the "official" lyrics, even if I always do slip it in when I actually sing it. :)
No kidding. One of the reasons I'm a bit of a scansion facist about it, at least for my own performance. :)
And that's not a bad thing. I don't always meet the Gold standard ("A person familiar with the tune should be able to sing it perfectly the first time he reads it"), but I try to get as close to that as possible.
Note that your original doesn't flow any better into the next line.
Um, sure it does. Perhaps if i punctuated:
"Well spent the battle cost;
All hope is not yet lost!"
It's not a single clause, two independant clauses that work together.
I -think- the problem with sug. #2 was the "though large" -- it's the first word doesn't take the stress very well at all. But I'm not all that happy with the original either (but then, I don't have to be; it's your song. :)
The entire construction of "Though large the battle cost" sounds awkward and clumsy.
Absolutely -- it's an enjoyable conversation regardless! And, of course, if I do borrow the song, having a conversation on the various pros and minuses (and decisions involved in them) can give me a better idea of what I actually -want- to change.
Indeed! If you do perform it, you'll have to let me know how it goes over. :)