autographedcat

The Tacos of Shame
by Rob Wynne
TTTO: “We Wish You A Merry Christmas” (16th century English carol)

I wish I’d not had those tacos
I wish I’d not had those tacos
I wish I’d not had those tacos
I think I might die

Alone In my car
at the Office Bazaar
I ate six whole tacos
Now I think I might die

I wish I’d not had those tacos
I wish I’d not had those tacos
I wish I’d not had those tacos
I think I might die

My throat it now burns
My stomach it churns
I ate six whole tacos
Now I think I might die

I wish I’d not had those tacos
I wish I’d not had those tacos
I wish I’d not had those tacos
I think I might die

I’ve just me to blame
For my terrible shame
I ate six whole tacos
Now I think I might die

I wish I’d not had those tacos
I wish I’d not had those tacos
I wish I’d not had those tacos
I think I might die

I wish I’d not had those tacos
I think I might die

This is a bit of an inside joke for the Frogpants/Tadpool community. I don’t think it requires a ton of context to understand what happened in this simple cautionary tale, though. Merry Christmas, Mr. Johnson.

Mirrored from Home of the Autographed Cat.

A few months ago, we had a member of the group I hang out with on Facebook leave the group because he wanted to avoid spoilers¹ for Breaking Bad and The Walking Dead. Since the latter show just ended its half-season and is going on hiatus, he rejoined the group and announced he had returned. I replied “Welcome back!” and then, as I reflexively do whenever I say those two words, appended “Your dreams were your ticket out.” It’s just a thing I do.

Somehow, the juxtaposition of the theme from Welcome Back, Kotter and Breaking Bad stayed in my head, and a few minutes later I posted this:

For your consideration:

A 1970s era remake of “Breaking Bad” starring Gabe Kaplan and Ron Palillo.

One commenter noted that Ron Palillo sadly passed away not too long ago; I was aware of that, but somehow it was much funnier to me that our Jesse substitute was Horshack rather than any of the other Sweathogs.²³ And, really, it might have ended there, but my friend Joey chimed in “With a theme by John Sebastian”.

At first, I tried to imagine how Sebastian might render Dave Porter’s brilliant Breaking Bad theme, but then I realised I was coming at it backwards. The following just wrote itself:

Breaking Bad
Your cancer was just an excuse
Breaking Bad
You always wanted to slip the noose

Well your dreams never were what you’d hoped they’d be
Now you’re out on the res in an old RV

Who’d have thought they’d come true
(Who’d have thought they’d come true)
Crystalised in ice blue
(Crystalised in ice blue)

Well, he’ll prob’ly wind up dead
‘Cause he’s in over his head
Breaking Bad
Breaking Bad, Breaking Bad, Breaking Bad

I really haven’t a clue what to do with this idea, but it’s continuing to entertain me.

The longruning debate over when its okay to post spoilers into an open space continues to weary me, since, as I’ve posted about multiple times, it’s largely a question of manners. ↩
I later decided that Vinnie and Epstein would be Badger and Skinny Pete, respectively. Mr. Woodman is Gus Fring. Not sure there’s a good analogue in this scenario for Freddie. ↩
ETA: No, Boom-boom Washington is Skinny Pete. Vinnie is Combo. That works better. ↩

Mirrored from Home of the Autographed Cat.

The Ballad of The Swingman
by Rob Wynne and Jeff Williams
TTTO: “Wichita Lineman” by Jimmy Webb

I am a swing man for the Rockies
And I have no workflow
Waiting for the call
To enter and to throw
I see the batter and the catcher
I send a fastball, low inside
And the Cardinals first baseman
Hits it right down the line

I’d like this game to wrap up early
But it don’t look like rain
With extra innings our bullpen won’t ever take the strain
And we need more hits than strikeouts
And we strike out all the time
And the Cardinals first baseman
Hits it right down the line

And we need more hits than strikeouts
And we strike out all the time
And the Cardinals first baseman
Hits it right down the line

This is just a fun little insta that Jeff and I bantered in an IM conversation. (We have conversations like this all the time. Don’t you?)

The original song this is a parody of, “Wichita Lineman”, contains one of the greatest lyrics of any love song ever written. Click on the link above if you’ve never heard it.

Mirrored from Home of the Autographed Cat.

Over in the Tadpool group on Facebook, there’s a thread on the topic of “What’s your favourite song to sing in the shower?” One of the commenters wrote: “That’s a tough one I don’t know if I have a favorite… I will sing anything from Johnny Cash, Folsom Prisom¹ Rainbow Connection.”

Being a filker, of course…and a filker fresh off a con where my creative brain is already in gear, the following just fell out of my head:

Why are there so many songs about prisons
And people who are inside?
I’m stuck in this one because once in Reno
I shot a man to watch him die
I guess, in hindsight, I kind of deserve it
It wasn’t a nice thing to do
But as that train rumbles past old Folsom Prison
I can’t help but cry, wouldn’t you?

I’m not sure there’s really a point in going further with it; the joke is complete at the end of the first verse.² I really need to start a file just for little show-stoppers like this one.

Quipped another: ”Folsom Prism is my Johnny Cash ‘Dark Side of the Moon’ cover album. I’d pay serious money for that album. Serious money. ↩
As Bill Sutton taught me: ”Short is good. Funny is good. Short and funny is best. ↩

Mirrored from Home of the Autographed Cat.

Long Haul
by Rob Wynne
TTTO: “Kenworth Of My Dreams” by Richard Shindell

Sold my army rifle
Kept my old brown coat
My best friend said she’d follow me
Wherever I might roam
So I looked around until I found
A ship within my means
I put fifteen thousand credits down
On the Firefly of my dreams

A farmer’s daughter joined the crew
And she took the thing apart
And every coil and grav link
She came to know by heart
Our pilot, he’s a little strange
And Jayne is plenty mean
But I know they’ll stand behind me
In the Firefly of my dreams

But sometimes, late out on some shipping lane
I think of all the war had cost
Bad guys won, the good guys lost
I just wrote the whole damn system off

I think Inara likes me
But she won’t take me to bed
The doctor and his sister
Are running from the Feds
Shepherd says I’m running too;
I don’t know what he means
I’m just flying out into the black
In the Firefly of my dreams

But sometimes late out on some shipping lane
I think of all the war had cost
Bad guys won, the good guys lost
I just wrote the whole damn system off

Lately, life’s been pretty odd;
I’ve reasons to complain.
My character’s been questioned
So I’d like to make this plain:
From Ariel to Higgins Moon
And all points in between
I’ll do the job and then get paid
In the Firefly of my dreams

Yes, I’ll do the job and then get paid
In the Firefly of my dreams

There are many Firefly songs. This one is mine.

Richard Shindell writes amazing songs, and I listen to him a lot and cover a lot of his work. And a long time ago, it occurred to me that the long-haul trucker in his song “The Kenworth of my Dreams”, who sells everything he owns to buy a sort of freedom, was a spiritual ancestor to Malcolm Reynolds.

This is another song where the idea came to me and stalled halfway through, and then sat in a folder for a long time. I finished it a couple of years ago, but looking back over my blog, it appears I never actually posted it. I know I’ve performed this a couple of times out and about, once in a circle at Conflikt and once on a panel at Dragon*Con.

Mirrored from Home of the Autographed Cat.

Son of a Son of a Vor Lord
by Rob Wynne
TTTO: “Son Of A Son Of A Sailor” by Jimmy Buffett

As the son of a son of a Vor lord
I went out into space for excitement
I set out to bamboozle a captain and crew
By pretending I’m some sort of pirate

As a schemer of tactics and a student of war
I make up my plans as I go
Read many accounts about soldiers and Counts
It was all that I needed to know

Son of a son, son of a son
Son of a son of a Vor Lord
Under the gun, talk on the run
My momentum carrys me forward

With a fleet of my own in a distant war zone
I crafted a brand new persona
I can shake the hand of the ImpSec man
While he pretends he doesn’t know me

And my lady was born on Station Kline
Floating out in the space lanes
Fast on her feet, runs the whole fleet
And her beauty is matched by her brains

Preparing to race through the wormholes in space
Our forefathers mapped out before us
Feel the hull thrum as the jump engines hum
And see what is waiting there for us

Wherever I go, I’ll find trouble I know
In deep space, or the Dendarii mountains
I don’t stop to reflect about what happens next
At least I didn’t end up an accountant

But a son of a son, son of a son
Son of a son of a Vor lord
Under the gun, talk on the run
My momentum carrys me forward

I’m just a son of a son, son of a son
Son of a son of a Vor lord
My honour is bound to the Emperor’s crown
And I know I will not die of boredom

I started writing this song five or six years ago, and got stuck in the middle because I wasn’t even sure at what point in the series the song was set. I put it away and ran across the notes on it recently while tidying up some old folders, and suddenly i knew what I needed to do with it.

This is based on Lois McMaster Bujold’s Vorkoskigan Saga, and specifically is set sometime before Memory, but after Miles has had time to establish himself with the Dendarii mercenaries. So, maybe sometime around Brothers in Arms or Borders of Infinity.

I debuted this song in my concert set at Orycon 35 in Portland, Oregon.

Mirrored from Home of the Autographed Cat.

Boba Fett Isn’t Dead
TTTO: “Bela Lugosi’s Dead” by Bauhaus

Red on green Mandalore armor
Back on the track

Boba Fett isn’t dead
The hunter left the sarlaac pit
The Jedi have all fled
Skywalker downs the sand skiff

Boba Fett isn’t dead
Boba Fett isn’t dead
Not dead! Not dead! Not dead!
Not dead! Not dead! Not dead!

The bounty hunters file past his tomb
Strewn with time’s lost contracts
Adrift in spacial slip
Alone on a darkened ship
The clone

Boba Fett isn’t dead
Boba Fett isn’t dead
Boba Fett isn’t dead
Not dead! Not dead! Not dead!
Not dead! Not dead! Not dead!
Not dead!

Oh Boba
Boba’s not dead
Oh Boba
Boba’s not dead

Boba’s not dead
Oh Boba
Boba’s not dead
Oh Boba

Boba Fett is an interesting character. He has about 20 minutes of screen time and five lines of dialogue in the original Star Wars trilogy, and still became one of its most enduring and popular characters. I can’t really think of anything else quite like it in popular culture.

If you’re like me and your Star Wars knowledge is primarily limited to the films, you may be unaware of the complex storyline that Boba Fett is at the centre of. In particular, you may not be aware that the character did not die in “Return of the Jedi”, but in fact escaped his fate and went on to have many more significant adventures in what is called the “Expanded Universe” of Star Wars lore.

I don’t recall with whom I was chatting about Star Wars (though I have a vague memory it was either Bryan Provost or Nigel Cox), but their reaction to my comment about Fett dying in RotJ was a forceful “Boba Fett isn’t dead!”, which managed to connect to the iconic refrain of this classic Bauhaus song. Not sure what to do with it, it sat in my unfinished songs folder for weeks, until the rest of it presented itself to me.

If you’re unfamiliar with the original tune and want to skip to the bit that has words in, jump to the 2:50 minute mark of the video linked above.

Mirrored from Home of the Autographed Cat.

Party of Four
by Rob Wynne and Jeffrey Williams
TTTO: “All Along The Watchtower” by Bob Dylan

I just don’t see a way into here
Said the cleric to the thief
This keep is too well defended
With its iron and stone motif
All these walls are much too high
The courtyard far too wide
Unless you’ve somehow learned how to fly
There is no way inside

No reason to get discouraged
The thief he softly spoke
There are many doors to pass through
And all these locks are but a joke
But you and I, we’ve fought the hordes
their treasure is our due
So let us not speak loudly now
It’s time to sneak on through

Down below the watchtower
There was a secret door
While the guardsmen paced and prowled
Inside slipped the four

Deep inside the cold dungeon
A wandering monster passed
The warrior pulled out his sword
And the mage began to cast

Another Dungeons and Dragons filk, this one started by Jeff with the opening lines, which he sent me in an instant message a few weeks ago. While the song is by Dylan, the filk is most certainly of Jimi Hendrix’s iconic cover. Now if only I could actually play it like that.

Mirrored from Home of the Autographed Cat.

Inspired in small part by a conversation with Brooke. No actual children were fed inappropriate foods in the making of this song, though a sandwich may or may not have been misappropriated...

Don't Cry, My Dear, Have A Cracker
(Or, "I Always Swore I'd Never Be One Of Those Parents")
by Rob Wynne
TTTO: "Don't Cry For Me, Argentina" (Tim Rice/Andrew Lloyd Weber)

You are unhappy
I don't know why
And I try to work out how you feel
But you cannot speak words
You just sit there and cry
You don't believe me
When I say that
It will all be okay
Although you are fed, warm, and dry
I guess it's just that time of day

You threw aside your bottle
You've just been changed
Couldn't spend your whole day on my lap
Looking out of the window
Taking naps in the sun
So you chose screaming
Running around grabbing everything near
But nothing could calm you at all
And so my last resort is clear

Don't cry, my dear, have a cracker
It has cheese on, and some salami
It was an hors d'oeuvre
Made for a party
But you can eat one
There's no one looking

As for nutrition and all that jazz
At this point I really don't care
You can eat the whole tray
If that's what you desire
At least you're quiet
And if you remain still
And promise to nap
Then we can have ice cream for lunch
And soda and all of that crap

Don't cry, my dear, have a cracker
It has cheese on, and some salami
It was an hors d'oeuvre
made for a party
But you can eat them
There's no one looking

Have I done too much?
There's nothing left here, I can't feed you any more
But all you have to do
Is look at me and cry
And I'll run to the store...

Current Mood: accomplished
Current Music: Patti LuPone - Don't Cry For Me, Argentina

When writing about topical things, there is always a danger of your work being "overtaken by events", which is to say made obsolete by the world changing over the course of time. I wrote this months and months ago, when it was more topical than nostalgic.

But, as we take our first exploratory steps into Naxxramas, high above the snowy valleys of Northrend, let's remember those heady days when the place to be was Deadwind Pass.

( Nothing but ghosts, nothing that's real... )

Current Mood: creative
Current Music: A Funny Thing Happened...

Most of my filks start out by an idea just popping into my head at an odd moment. Such was the case today, but I really don't know if I can follow it to where it leads.

I had joked on #filkhaven that if

telynor and I put our iPhones next to each other and left them alone with the lights down and some soft music, in a couple of months we'd have a nice little litter of iPod Nanos. The following conversation ensued:

beige_alert is sure happy it's Thursday. Long weekend = short week :)

bardling: Beige_Lab - yay for long weekends :)

bardling: Can I adopt one of the iPod Nanos?

autographedcat: sure!

bardling: :)

beige_alert: (plus, longer weekend = more time for more sex)

autographedcat: just....don't put it in the washing machine.

bardling: I have no intentions to do so!

autographedcat: neither did i

mnemex: Sex in a washing machine is bad. Oh, right, you meant the ipod.

mnemex: sorry, the justification was amusing.

bardling has a fairly decent habit of checking pockets & closing zippers while loading things into the washing machine.

mnemex: er, juxtaposition.

autographedcat: o/~ Sex and laundry / What a lovely pair / Getting frisky waiting on your underwear.... o/~

(Hides from Jodi.)

Current Mood: amused
Current Music: Dave Carter & Tracy Grammer - Tanglewood Tree

Here's another song that's likely to make sense only to my friends who play World of Warcraft. It's also useful to know the song "The Toronto Song" by Three Dead Trolls in a Baggie. To ease confusion on either of these points, I've provided a link to the source tune (thanks, YouTube!) and links to all the things referenced from WoW, courtesy of WoWWiki.

The Ironforge Song
by Rob Wynne
TTTO: "The Toronto Song" by Three Dead Trolls In A Baggie

I hate the Great Forge and the Mystic Ward too
The Hall of Explorers and the Tinker Town crew
The roof is too high, the air is too dark
Its covered with lava and there isn't a park
The men are all drunk and the girls won't wench
and the children are loopy cause they fell in a trench
The water is frozen and the king has no friends
And they wear lift boots and they think they're Stormwind
In Ironforge, Dun Morogh

(Spoken)
"You know, actually I pretty much hate all of Dun Morogh!"
"Oh ya, me too!"

I hate Brewnall Village and Anvilmar
Amberstill, Coldridge, and Gol'Bolar
Frostmane sucks and the North Gate sucks
and Kharanos sucks and Gnomeregan sucks

I took a trip to Ironforge to visit Mistina Steelshield
She beat me up and she stole my cloth and she left me in a field
I went to Alterac Valley and was hit in the head by an Orc
(spoken)
I don't even know how they did it. I mean, I was playing Guitar Hero at the time....

Dun Morogh sucks!

(spoken)
"Yup. Yknow, actually you know now I really think about it, I think I pretty much hate every gosh darn province and territory in the Alliance!"
"Well, except for Westfall"
"Ya, ya I love Westfall"
"It's very nice, lots of cows and trees and rocks and dirt"

But

I hate Darnassus cause they look so weird
And Azuremyst Island is too small
Dustwallow Marsh is dumb 'cause its the name of a swamp
Gadgetzan doesn't have a good mall
Hillsbrad is a warzone and it makes me mad
Dun Morogh sucks! Dun Morogh Sucks!

(spoken)
"Stranglethorn Vale has a population density of 4.9 people per quest objective -- isn't that stupid??"

The Plaguelands are boring and the people are dead
And as for the Redridge Mountains -- they're too red!

(Spoken)
"And the only good thing about the area of Elwynn Forest is that it's right next to us"

'Cause Westfall.....doesn't suck
But Moonbrook does.

Current Mood: creative
Current Music: Three Dead Trolls In A Baggie - The Toronto Song

Because I typically parody pop songs, one of the most common reactions I get to one of my filks is "That's interesting, but I don't know the tune." In the past, I'd kinda shrug and take it as one of the pitfalls of having eclectic and modern tastes in music, and figure there wasn't much I could do about it other than learn to play the song so I could perform it for people.

But now, thanks the magic that is the modern Internet, and particularly YouTube, I can now provide those original tunes for people who don't know them. So I've gone through my online songbook, and for every song which is a parody and for which a suitable online source for that song is available, I have provided a link. So if you've ever looked at one of my songs and wondered how it went, now you can find out! And if you haven't ever looked at my songs, here's a good excuse to!

A project for a future date is making scratch recordings available for the few original tunes I've done, but that will have to wait for another day.

The songbook can be found at: http://www.autographedcat.com/songs/. Enjoy!

Current Mood: accomplished
Current Music: Oingo Boingo - Weird Science

A lot of times, I end up writing a filk for no other reason than a song getting stuck in my head and after a few repetitions starts to wander off in odd directions. Sometimes, I follow it down those odd directions and end up with something kinda cool.

I'd also like to, in advance, thank Oasis vocalist Liam Gallagher for his mutli-syllabic pronunciation of the word "wall", which made this filk possible.

Accept No Substitutes
by Rob Wynne
TTTO: "Wonderwall" by Oasis

This toy is totally the toy
That is gonna fill your every need
Watch now, you know it somehow
May accelerate to dang'rous speeds
I don't believe that anybody
Knows exactly what it really is

Don't touch, or look at it much
or breathe the vapor from its liquid core
Young, old, and pregnant girls are told
Not to hang around it anymore
I don't believe that anybody
Knows exactly what it really is

And all these warning messages are binding
Stop using it if its effects are blinding
It is made of glowing stuff that fell to earth from space
Don't know what it is

Don't taunt it
But you know you're gonna really want it
'Cause after all
Its your happy fun ball

If it smokes, or if you start to choke
Run away from it and hide your head
By now, you ought to somehow
Realize that you should've fled
I don't believe that anybody
Knows exactly what it really is

Just $14.95 will cause elation
This toy sensation's sweeping through the nation
Even though you know it only rarely sticks to skin
Buy it anyhow

Don't taunt it
But you know you're gonna really want it
'Cause after all
It's your happy fun ball

Don't taunt it
But you know you're gonna really want it
'Cause after all
It's your happy fun ball

Don't taunt it
But you know you're gonna really want it
But you know you're gonna really want it
But you know you're gonna really want it

Current Mood: creative
Current Music: Oasis - Wonderwall

This morning on #filkhaven, dank pointed me at a CNN article about Virtual Reality gifts. and the following just popped into my head.

Really Simple Gifts
TTTO: "Simple Gifts"

It's a gift that is simple
And it's sure to appeal
And it doesn't matter if it isn't real
Just click on the mouse and an icon appears
And you'll find this passes for Christmas cheer

Buy, buy, whatever you may see
Virtual gifts for your family
Spend all your cash in an online spree
and divorce yourself from reality

Current Mood: silly

This popped into my head in the shower this morning.

Country Response
by Rob Wynne
TTTO: "You Never Even Called Me By My Name" by Steve Goodman and John Prine

Well, it was all I could do to keep from dying
Somehow it seems I'm able to remain
You know I've always loved you for your body
Right now I only want you for your brain

You don't have to call me George Romeo
You don't have to call me James Gunn
You don't have to call me Simon Pegg anymore
Even so, I think you'd better run

And I'll chase you down as long as you run from me
I've never minded shamblin' through the rain
You know I've always loved you for your body
Right now I only want you for your brain

Well, I polished off the dog for lunch this morning
So now you will not let me in your bed
I really hoped you wouldn't notice I had changed
Before I started gnawing on your head.

And I'll chase you down as long as you run from me
I've never minded shamblin' through the rain
You know I've always loved you for your body
Right now I only want you for your brain

(Spoken: My friend Seanan McGuire wrote a song. She said it was the perfect Country & Western song. I said it was NOT the perfect Country and Western Song. It doesn't mention mama. It doesn't mention prison. There's not a single train in it. And she said, "Dude, zombies." Which is, I admit, a fair point.)

Well ever since I went and got myself infected
Ain't nothing round this town that's been the same
And I know I've never been the perfect husband
But is it fair to give me all the blame?

And I'll chase you down as long as you run from me
I've never minded shamblin' through the rain
You know I've always loved you for your body
Right now I only want you for your brain

Current Mood: creative
Current Music: Steve Goodman and John Prine - You Never Even Called Me By My Name

Several months ago, I finally gave in to the lure of the worlds most popular online RPG and started playing World of Warcraft. (You can find me on The Venture Co server as Pryderi.) For months, I worked my way up to level 70, meeting lots of cool people along the way, and finally, about three weeks ago, I finally reached that exalted summit. One of the interesting things about WoW is that, unlike a lot of games where you hit the level cap and wonder "OK, now what?", there is a whole complex set of challenges designed especially for the top level characters. So rather than being the end of the journey, max level is a new beginning.

Of course, it's possible for people to get all the way to max level without ever really learning to play your character effectively, which becomes painfully obvious to the people you end up in groups with during endgame content. I try very hard not to be one of those players, but I got the idea to write a song about the types of players everyone dreads teaming up with. This may not make sense if you don't play the game, but hopefully the meta-joke at least works outside of context.

I apologize in advance for inflicting yet another parody of this tune on the world, but it fit too perfectly.

Max Level Newbie
by Rob Wynne
TTTO: "I Am The Very Model of A Modern Major General" by Gilbert and Sullivan

I am the very model of a Warcraft Newbie 70
I've never been on raids, but I insist that I would like to be
I know the kings of Azeroth, but what they drop's a mystery
From Netherstorm to Shadowmoon, no one has ever heard of me
I'm very uninformed about the way to play my character
And if your toon is female, I will prob'ly grin and hit on her
On every pull at the worst time, I will hit tab and free the sheep
And halfway through the boss fight, i'll be in a corner fast asleep

I AFK in battlegrounds, thats how I got my purple gear
The stats don't match my build, but I still like the way that I appear
In short, you see I have no clue and everyone I know agrees
I am the very model of a Warcraft Newbie 70

I've been to Ironforge, and yet I do not know the tram exists
I pester folks on general to take me out to Tanaris
Although I've never played your class, if we team up it won't be long
Before I tell you all the things I think that you are doing wrong
Invite me to your group and i'll insist that you should summon me
Then when you do I'll ask for food and other things that I might need
Before the pull has been discussed I rush right in to start the fray
But when the fight gets out of hand I am the first to run away

I ninja loot by rolling need on every drop that's green or blue
And if you haven't kicked me yet, I'll do it on the epics too
And so, you see why everyone in Shattrath City laughs at me
I am the very model of a Warcraft Newbie 70

My warriors try tanking with no shield and a two handed sword
My priests will heal you only right up to the point that they get bored
My rouges pickpocket every mob and cause the pull to go awry
My shamans never use their totems even when you ask them why
My warlocks never look to see what's nearby when they cast a fear
My druids always go to dungeons wearing the same set of gear
My paladins cast random seals and never bring a judgment down
My hunters pets chase random mobs and during fights just run around

I run from PVP but I will gank you when your back is turned
Although I post in forums, I don't read them so Ive never learned
That while I claim that I'm the greatest player you will ever see
I am the very model of a Warcraft Newbie 70

Current Mood: creative
Current Music: Fleetwood Mac - Revelation

Over on rec.music.filk, David Okamura writes about a website he found with "tinklepop" karoke tracks of popular songs.

> You got off easy, Karen.  I foolishly sampled most of those tunes, so
> tinklepop "Ring of Fire" alternated with "I Want to be Sedated" in the
> back of my mind for the rest of the day.

And this came out...

Twenty-twenty-twenty-four hours to fall
Into a ring of fire
I'm going down, can't do nothing at all
As the flames go higher

And it's burning, burning, burning
Love is a firey ring
I have a wild desire
it makes a burning ring
I fell for you like a child
Now I can't do anything
Oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh!

Ba-ba-ba-ba ba-ba-ba-ba-ba
Into a ring of fire
Ba-ba-ba-ba ba-ba-ba-ba-ba
Into a ring of fire

My mind is a curious place. :)

Current Mood: giggly
Current Music: The Ramones - I Wanna Be Sedated

So earlier today in her journal,

cadhla made a statement to the effect of how she even doesn't pretend to be a dumb blonde, as it doesn't fit her self-image, and besides which, she said, "The dumb ones die fast."

And, that got me to thinking. This usually indicates danger.

The Dumb Ones Don't Live Long
by Rob Wynne
TTTO: "Only The Good Die Young" by Billy Joel

Well, hey there, Blondie, don't make me search
You think you can run faster than I can lurch
Or that you'll be safe if you hide in a church
I hate to tell you that you're wrong

Well, they showed you a house and they said stay away
But you couldn't wait past the end of the day
Now your brains are the center dish on my buffet
You will not outlive this song
You know the dumb ones, they don't live long

You might have heard I died and was buried and gone
But I've come back and I'm here until dawn
When you see my hand coming up through the lawn
It might be best if you ran along

So come on, now Blondie, leave me a trail
Your attempts to escape are predestined to fail
Sooner or later, I'm bound to prevail
And your flesh will make me strong
You know the dumb ones, they don't live long

You had a nice white dress that you shed for no apparent reason
Then you came down the stairs
Mmmmm, In your underwear
Oh, but Blondie you're a morsel who has just come into season
Your night will just get worse
Once I stop to eat your boyfriend first
Whoa-oh-oh

You might think that the dead would just stay in the ground
But I've never been one for just lying around
And you can't hide long before you are found
You shouldn't go where you don't belong
You know the dumb ones, they don't live long

Oh, your mama said fast living only leaves you in a poor condition
This isn't what she meant
But now you're cornered and your luck is spent
Whoa-oh-oh

Come out come out come out, Blondie don't make me search
You think you run much faster than I can lurch
Or that you are safe if you hide in a church
I hate to tell you that you're wrong
You know the dumb ones, they don't live long

Current Mood: creative
Current Music: Billy Joel - Only The Good Die Young

Two things to note about this song. First of all, I have no idea what Ben Wakeman is going to think when he finds out we turned his beautiful song into this parody. I hope he'll forgive us.

Second, this is really all for

cadhla. Or all because of her. Or something.

Outbreak
by Rob Wynne and Larissa March
To the tune of: "The Overall Distance" by Ben Wakeman

Thirty miles from Memphis
There’s a wreck on the Interstate
Some folks burn and die,
While the rest reanimate.
They start to shamble towards my car
I think my time is running out
At first I feared they'd want to eat my brain
But now I don’t have any doubt.

It’s not the overall death toll,
But all the zombies on the way,
That send you fleeing from your home,
Make you run further every day.

There’s a dead woman next to me,
Right outside my Oldsmobile.
Half her body's gone,
She’s too horrific to be real.
So young to be undead,
But she’s clawing at the door,
I think I could take her out myself,
But here come half a dozen more.

It’s not the overall death toll,
But all the zombies on the way,
That send you fleeing from your home,
Make you run further every day.

There's a corpse standing by the on ramp
Gnawing on a dying man
His coat is stained with blood
He's got a brain clutched in his hand
I could chop him into bits
And at first I think I will,
But his friends are closing in on me
And there's more of them than I can kill.

It’s not the overall death toll,
But all the zombies on the way,
That send you fleeing from your home,
Make you run further every day.

There's a terror I start to feel
I turn and run through open fields
I know the zombies are hot on my trail
And i won't have a future if I fumble and fail
I'm a man on the run and I don't know how long my life will last
I must escape the undead
I must escape the undead -- run fast!
Run fast!

Current Mood: creative
Current Location: home
Current Music: Ben Wakeman - The Overall Distance

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