So I Turned Myself To Face Me
Oct. 23rd, 2012 05:34 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
Sometimes, you realise something about yourself so fundamentally obvious in hindsight that you're not sure how it took you so long for it to occur to you.
I've been struggling a bit with my depression in recent weeks. Given the amount of slow-motion change in my life right now, that's hardly surprising, but today, while thinking about a comment thread yesterday in
osewalrus's Facebook page, something clicked in my brain that clarified to me why I've felt so unsettled.
I have two strong behavioural methods for temporarily punching up my mood: eating and buying things.
Neither of which I can really do right now.
I'm trying hard to get back on my fitness plan, which means I have a careful budget with regards to what and how much I can eat in a given day.
I'm saving up money to move across country in 3 months and need to be prepared to weather out a period of unemployment, so I can't really shop for much of anything I don't actually require.
It could be argued that neither of this are strictly healthy ways of dealing with stress and depression, but I've been me for a long time, and I know they both work, at least in the short term. And right now, for a variety for reasons, I'm denied their outlet.
Not sure what to do with this information presently, but there you have it.
I've been struggling a bit with my depression in recent weeks. Given the amount of slow-motion change in my life right now, that's hardly surprising, but today, while thinking about a comment thread yesterday in
![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
I have two strong behavioural methods for temporarily punching up my mood: eating and buying things.
Neither of which I can really do right now.
I'm trying hard to get back on my fitness plan, which means I have a careful budget with regards to what and how much I can eat in a given day.
I'm saving up money to move across country in 3 months and need to be prepared to weather out a period of unemployment, so I can't really shop for much of anything I don't actually require.
It could be argued that neither of this are strictly healthy ways of dealing with stress and depression, but I've been me for a long time, and I know they both work, at least in the short term. And right now, for a variety for reasons, I'm denied their outlet.
Not sure what to do with this information presently, but there you have it.
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Date: 2012-10-23 10:04 pm (UTC)no subject
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Date: 2012-10-23 10:08 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2012-10-23 10:42 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2012-10-23 10:21 pm (UTC)Maybe you could convince yourself that you're in the process of buying a new city! :-)
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Date: 2012-10-23 10:42 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2012-10-24 05:21 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2012-10-24 02:09 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2012-10-24 03:11 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2012-10-23 10:34 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2012-10-23 10:41 pm (UTC)The last couple of days I've been mainlining "Freaks & Geeks", which recently showed up on Netflix streaming (hence the music in my tag above *grin*).
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Date: 2012-10-23 11:58 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2012-10-24 12:28 am (UTC)I think, though, it's the indulgence which perks the mood, and indulgence requires excess.
(This isn't aided by the fact that I'm a contrary enough person to react to being forbidden something by wanting it more intensely.)
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Date: 2012-10-24 11:39 pm (UTC)I figure that if a person learns to concentrate on *something*, they might avoid thinking of an elephant, but only if their only concern is what their concentration is on. Trying to think of chess puzzles so you don't think of a - DAMMIT! - probably won't work.
But concentrated distraction for its own sake might help.
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Date: 2012-10-24 12:21 am (UTC)(birds, meet stone)
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Date: 2012-10-24 12:34 am (UTC)I don't want it to sound like the above two behaviours are the ONLY things that perk up my mood. There are others, but those two are consistent and things I'm currently denying myself as an outlet.
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Date: 2012-10-24 12:59 am (UTC)suggestion regarding walking
Date: 2012-10-24 12:00 pm (UTC)Re: suggestion regarding walking
Date: 2012-10-24 02:08 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2012-10-24 02:24 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2012-10-24 01:32 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2012-10-24 04:50 am (UTC)Perhaps there is another form of cardio that incorporates some of your other *cough* pleasing pursuits ;-)
*Hugs and More Hugs*, my friend.
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Date: 2012-10-24 01:33 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2012-10-24 10:19 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2012-10-24 01:33 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2012-10-25 09:56 am (UTC)As one who's dropped
Date: 2012-10-24 12:02 pm (UTC)Re: As one who's dropped
Date: 2012-10-24 01:35 pm (UTC)That's slightly beside the point, though. I was mostly contemplating how that particular pursuit deprives me of a relief valve on another sector of my health.
Ah . . .
Date: 2012-10-24 03:51 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2012-10-24 10:34 pm (UTC)It inhales vigorously that your normal outlets aren't available, but if it's more the getting than the having, there are always thrift shops & library sales. PaperbackSwap.com works for getting books, and can also help cull your library, 1:1. Easy come, easy go--you can re-donate rather than haul it with you.
All I can do about the food cravings is hope to offer you something good at the Yule Filk--not so satisfying Right Now.
If you want to mix singing & exercising, I'll be happy to meet up and do some jodies with you. I like using The Combat Engineer Song, myself:
CHORUS:
We are, we are, we are, we are, we are the Engineers
We can, we can, we can, we can Demolish 40 beers
Drink up, drink up, drink up, drink up, and come along with us
For we don't give a dam for any Old Man
Who don't give a dam for us."
(This is a bragging song, which pre-dates PC. The active Army no longer uses it.)
Hang in, bubba--as the mess cook said, this too shall pass.
Hugs from myself and the Professora!
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Date: 2012-10-25 01:56 am (UTC)Also, having just hauled 50+ boxes of books into storage, the last thing I need right now is more books. :)
re: The Combat Engineer Song - I've heard much worse. :)
I'll get by. It's not like those are my ONLY coping mechanisms. I was just reflecting on the blindingly-obvious-in-hindsight realisation that they were two reliable ones that I was, for various reasons, assiduously denying myself.
Hugs are *always* welcome.
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Date: 2012-10-25 10:44 am (UTC)Mostly the Engineer Song glorifies drinking to excess, because we're that tough, see? Infantry? Air Force? Navy? WIMPS!!
Perhaps not coincidentally, no mention is made of Marines, Klingon or otherwise. :)
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Date: 2012-10-25 01:24 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2012-10-25 01:57 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2012-10-25 07:10 pm (UTC)For you, is it the selecting and purchasing that makes you happy, or the having? Like, would having new things to play with be enough? (For me it's the former, so getting stuff from other people isn't the same.)
It sounds like you've gotten lots of suggestions above and that there are some other things that help. I hope that recognizing the situation and shunting more power to the other things you can do in the meantime helps!